The Year in Review – Film

by deerinthexenonarclights

I’ve spent a lot of my first year here, in my first blog, writing about movies; you could say reviewing them, but that implies some sort of objective structure. Whatever you call them though the posts are long and you’ve probably not bothered to read them all, so here is a summary of sorts, my thoughts condensed into list form, here, without further ramblings or other assorted adiue, such as this sentance entire, are the inaugral…

The Fastest Fluttering of Heart-Strings,The Deepest Swoon goes to…

Jane Eyre (Full Review HERE)

HM: Crazy, Stupid, Love

 Most  Shocking Story Spawned From Sex and Drugs in the Seventies goes to…

Tabloid

HM: Project Nim

 The Ink on Parchment Award for Best Banter on Binary Oppositions goes to…

The Sunset Limited

Most Awe Inspiring Appearance by an Invented Interstellar Planetary Body goes to…

Melancholia

HM: Nah, nothing comes to mind ( certainly not Another Earth)

The Creaky Rocking Chair by the Fire Award for Most Comfortable Cinematic Experience goes to…

Win Win

HM: Buck

Most Magical Moments of Madness goes to

Take Shelter

 The Really Surprising Ryan Gosling Success goes to…

Crazy, Stupid, Love

HM: The Ides of March

 The ‘He’s Still Got It’ Award goes to…

Woody Allen for Midnight In Paris

 The ‘He’s Lost It, But He’s Still Got It’ Award goes to…

Mel Gibson for The Beaver

The ‘Not The Worst Movie Ever Made’ Award goes to…

Transformers 3: The Dark of the Moon

Most Insane South Korean Picture goes to…

The Yellow Sea

Best Use of Steven Spielberg as Exec. Prod. and Muse  goes to…

Super 8

Most Gastronomical Journey goes to…

The Trip

Market Crash Movie Most Likely to Still Matter After the GFC goes to…

Too Big to Fail

HM: The Company Men

Most Trouble Swallowing  (They’re Not Tears in my Eyes) goes to…

50/50

HM: Contagion

 

But of course this has not been a stellar year for cinema in the grand schema of things, it has though been one where bitchiness reigns and so I would be amiss not to counterbalance this celebration with some harsher criticism. What I present to you here is an inversion of all that is good in cinema: like Caine to Abel, like Evil Spock to Spock and like Adam Sandler’s Jack to Adam Sandler’s Jill, these films stand against everything that the formers beleved in. Look upon them…if you dare.

(Ok, I made a concious decision not to see anything unless it actually looked good this year and so this isn’t in any way an accurate list of the worst films made, more one of the duds, dissapointments and depressing but otherwise well made movies. That of course sounds nowhere near as interesting as the other introduction)

Worst Really Revisionist Western Redux goes to…

Cowboys and Aliens.

HM: Rango

Biggest Sophmore Sell-out goes to…

Source Code

HM: Cars 2

‘Scripts? We Don’t Need No Stinking Scripts’ Award for Most Ludicrous Lacks of Logic goes to…

In Time

Most Inferior Simulacra goes to…

Another Earth

HM: The Guard

The Jagged Glass Seat by the Hellpit Award for Most Uncomfortabe Cinematic Experience goes to…

We Need To Talk About Kevin

The Award for ‘Most Middling Moments of Madness goes to…

Martha Marcy May Marlene

The Really Surprising Ryan Gosling Dissapointment goes to…

Drive

HM: The Ides of March

The ‘He’s Ain’t Gots It No More’ Award goes to…

Terence Malick for Tree of Life

Now the Worst Movie That They’ve Ever Made (Keepin’ it in the Franchise) goes to…

Cars 2

Most Inane South Korean Picture goes to…

The End of Animal

The Worst Use of Steven Spielberg as Exec. Prod. and Muse goes to…

Cowboys and Aliens

HM: Falling Skies

Most Grueling Journey goes to

Meek’s Cutoff

Ughhhh! Thank God That’s Finally Over goes to…

Norweigan Wood

HM: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part. 2

 
And so another year passes by, though it is not yet truely over. See Australia’s archaic distribution status means that we won’t get most of the meaningful movies until late January, if at all. Factor in DVD’s alongside this and it becomes clear that this list iis by no means definite, but it is hopefully well defined never the less.
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